The cool thing about my roommates is they have no idea how much I really love them
Like, tonight I decided to actually go on a run like I say almost everyday and Martin gave me tips on where to go and how far to run and then let me lay on his carpet when I got home and was hyperventilating
And every time I see Charlie kiss Teddy a little piece of me dies because it’s just so goddamn cute
But they don’t know how much I love them because we’re all awkward towards each other and I think that’s a good thing because they’d probably think it was weird how much I love them
I think the only way I’m going to survive this thing is to fully delete people from my past from all forms of social media and my head completely but I think that’s going to take a little bit more time. And I think that’s okay.
Tonight I got to reconnect with a friend I hadn’t really hung out with in over a year. Paul and I had kind of a thing last year and afterwards he went back to his ex and I started dating Ethan so things were pretty weird between us. For the past year I felt like I had lost a really big part of my life because things weren’t the same with someone I could really see as my best friend.
Tonight we played Mario Kart and drank beer and went out to eat with my coworker and his girlfriend and it was the most wonderful thing because I really feel like I finally have my best friend back. That was something I’ve needed for a really long time.
Jake has been there a lot throughout the past month through the breakup with Ethan and I couldn’t be more thankful. When I think about what a best friend should be, Jake fits that description perfectly. I hope he can see how appreciative I am of his companionship and I hope he knows that the help would be reciprocated if he needed it.
Sometimes I feel really sad when I think about how different my life is now from a year and a half ago but nights like tonight really bring me back to what is happening now, and what’s happening now is actually a really great thing. I miss Ethan a lot but this whole thing has really helped me see what I was blinded from for the past year. The worst part about the last year was feeling like I had lost my friends. Luckily they never left.
Nights like tonight make me annoyingly grateful for living in the city because I wouldn’t have met these amazing people if I hadn’t moved here three years ago. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now.
Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, that is the strongest thing in the universe.